


Wallflower

by kaileidohscope



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Dark Humor, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Imprinting, LSD, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Nesting, Omega Bae Joohyun | Irene, Omega Kim Jongin | Kai, Partying, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Rutting, Slow Burn, Smoking, Soulmates, Suicidal Ideation, Unrequited Love, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:36:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28197027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaileidohscope/pseuds/kaileidohscope
Summary: Jongin never expected his best friend to become the alpha he’d imprint on, but life’s funny in that way. Funny, as in cruel, because Kyungsoo has a girlfriend.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 42
Kudos: 128





	1. the prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello, luvs! this was originally planned to be my entry to TopSoo Fest 2020, but time got away from me and i was unable to write it all out in time for their submission deadline. i want to thank the mods, though! they are incredibly creative and encouraging and i’m deeply disappointed that i was unable to properly participate for the second year in a row. :(
> 
> furthermore! the biggest portion of my love and appreciation goes to @sunniniverse on twitter! they had a heavy hand in creating and inspiring this AU with me, and they even went out of their way to create several beautiful pieces of art based on this story! ;; <3 please go follow them and give them lots of love (it’s what they deserve!!!)

_wallflower ; the prologue_

Jongin had never truly understood the concept of imprinting, viewed it as a toxic and unnatural, _impulsive_ instinct that didn’t belong in modern society. Soulmates didn’t exist, Jongin knew this, but lots of others were fully invested in the trope, even planned their entire lives around that fateful moment of imprinting. If one didn’t imprint, what was the point of romance? What did it all mean? Utter bullshit in Jongin’s opinion. He despised the idea.

“Why do people _like_ this shit?” Jongin ranted, scrolling past the nth fluffy, gushy romance film spouting more nonsense about the _loveliness_ of destined mates. “Imprinting isn’t what _love_ is. You’re not even your own person anymore, and what’s so fucked up about it is you’re too far in _lalaland_ to even realize the person you’ve imprinted on is probably a piece of shit like every other person in the world.”

“I don’t know, I think it could be nice.” Kyungsoo mused absently into his mug of oolong tea. His eyes weren’t on the TV, instead focused down at his phone.

Jongin turned to him like he’d sprouted another head, giving an incredulous chuckle. “Are you shitting me?”

Kyungsoo shrugged halfheartedly, lolling his head back against the plush couch cushion he was sunk into, “I’m just saying—you haven’t imprinted yet, you don’t know what it’s like. What if it’s not too bad?” He looked at Jongin and laughed at his scowl, rolling his eyes, “ _Oh come on_ , I'm just saying! Keep an open mind. You never know, you might _actually_ imprint one day and you’ll look back on all the shit you used to talk and laugh.”

Jongin tisked at the absurdity, turning back to his Netflix browsing. “ _Yeah_ , I wanna imprint like I want a fucking _hole_ in the head.”


	2. Crimson and Clover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta-ed! Sorry for any typos or awkward wording ><;;

_wallflower ; crimson and clover_

A hole in the head sounded like something Jongin would go for now. If it wasn’t for his pathological fear of death, dying, and the unknown, he’d probably have worked his way around a firearm months ago. But now, diving into the unknown was an enticing idea as he laid with a pillow pressed over his head. His headphones were shoved uncomfortably deep into his ears, and his music was turned all the way up, but even that failed to drown out the muffled noises and thumps coming from the opposite side of his bedroom wall.

He hears a girlish giggle muffle into a sweet, muffled moan, and he regretted telling Kyungsoo it was fine for Joohyun to come spend the night. Regrets believing the paper thin walls of their apartment would contain all the ruckus and protect his sanity.

The disgusting concoction of female omega pheromones and vigorous sex permiated the air, invading all of Jongin’s senses and making him nauseous. He huffed out a sigh and tossed aside the pillow pressed over his ear, shoving the blankets back as he moved to get up. He grabbed his sketchbook and a small case of pencils, wearing his hoodie and shoving his feet into his shoes. Kyungsoo always left a pack of cigarettes laying on the counter near the front door, and Jongin swiped it into the front pouch of his hoodie on his way out.

He needed fresh air; needed to breathe. Needed to get as far away from their apartment and all the noises piercing his skull like a lobotomy orbitoclast.

The picnic table in their apartment building’s lawn would be his saving grace. It was old, and rickety - and probably full of night dwelling bugs, but Jongin wasn’t deterred. It was quiet, semi-hidden in the trees, and just what the omega needed at the moment. There was a gated pond nearby, and Jongin sighed in relief as the musky scent of mud and settled water filled his nose.

The heavy scent of their apartment still clung to his clothing, but it was distant now. Just a _subtle_ annoyance rather than smothering.

With a smooth _flick_ of a lighter, Jongin lit up a cigarette before he’d even sat at the picnic table. He dropped his sketchbook on the table and set down his pencil case, opening it up to pop a soft press charcoal pencil from the plastic holder.

He flipped his sketchbook open, a flutter of flower linearts and loose sketches, before he came to a blank page. He took the cigarette from between his teeth and breathed a nicotine-laced sigh. It was harsh, and burned his chest, but it forced the last wisps of the _disgusting_ scent of his apartment (and everything happening inside it) to vanish from his train of thought. He stared down at the empty page before him, and his hand followed whichever way his mind wandered.

The glide of charcoal carved familiar lines from his thoughts - soft, gentle sketches of an image playing in his mind at a constant. It picked away at his stress, easing the tension in his jaw. His lip curled as he carefully brushed the tip of his finger over a crisp line, smudging it into a shadowy blur. His brows furrowed, head slightly tilted, and he felt calm, nearly sedated as he sank into his work. The world faded around him. It was only his pencil, his mind, and the endless possibilities the empty page of his sketchbook offered.

Endless possibilities, and yet when he brought the blackened tip of his finger away from his finished piece, a pair of eyes stared back at him. It was a picture of a heavy gaze. Long lashes, double-lidded, black irises. Prominent brows. Familiar. A gaze that bore into his soul on the daily and could quote all of his secrets. Well, _almost_ all of them. _Almost_.

Joan Jett crooned through the headphones pressed in ears, and Jongin flipped through a few pages of his sketchbook. The familiar pair of eyes graced several pages, among detailed images of flowers, ferns, and softly shadowed hands. Hands Jongin found quite beautiful, short nails, long, pretty fingers. The placement of each subtle vein memorized. He’s held these hands, for brief periods, and Jongin can feel the memory of their warmth if he thinks about it.

_Ahh_

_And when she comes walking over…_

_Now I've been waitin' to show her…_

_Crimson and clover... over and over—_

“Hey,”

Jongin jerked up from his slouched position to find Kyungsoo approaching, a few paces from the picnic table. The same pair of eyes etched into several pages of his sketchbook were looking at him, softly. His familiar silhouette. He pulled a bud from his ear and quickly shut his sketchbook with a snap.

“ _God_ , you scared me—” The omega griped in a hushed tone, nearly choking on the puff of smoke he’d just inhaled.

Kyungsoo chuckled softly, strolling up to the table and sliding onto the opposite seat. “Do you have my cigarettes?”

Jongin shuffled his hand around his hoodie pocket before pulling out said pack of Camels, tossing it lightly to the other side of the table. Kyungsoo opened the top, sliding one out for himself.

Kyungsoo glanced at him briefly, “Why are you out here?”

The omega watched as Kyungsoo placed the filter between his teeth, crushing the little menthol bead nestled there before lighting it up. The shirt he wore was wrinkled, evidently from a rumpled pile on the floor. The collar was stressed and loose, stretched out from the frantic hands of his lover pulling at it.

A blotch of discolored skin over the ridge of his collarbone caught Jongin’s eyes, a fresh love-bite, and he stared at it for a prolonged moment before Kyungsoo caught his gaze. Jongin glanced elsewhere, picked at the fraying corner of his sketchbook.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Kyungsoo was still looking at him, eyeing him now, and Jongin hoped his disgruntled expression went unnoticed. ...It didn’t.

The alpha ducked his head as he huffed out an embarrassed laugh, taking a long puff from his cigarette as he looked at his hands. “Sorry. I-... I figured you would’ve been asleep already.”

Jongin wasn’t trying to be snarky, he really wasn’t, but he couldn’t help the passive-aggressiveness in the twitch of his brow, or the vague bitterness of his tone. He flicked a tall stack of ashes from the cherry of his cigarette, bringing it up to his lips. “Well even if I had been, it’s not like I would’ve _stayed_ asleep.”

He glanced at Kyungsoo, who was finding interest in the picnic table’s chipping wood. “I mean, you two aren’t exactly quiet… Plus it fucking _reeks_.” He added that last part in a mutter.

Kyungsoo snickered at that, rolling his eyes as he shook his head, “I’m sorry, Jongin.”

His voice was quiet and lighthearted, but the private smile on his face showed where his mind was at. Showed that while he was embarrassed of disturbing his flatmate, he was still entangled with thoughts of her, of Joohyun, and the moment of carefree love they’d shared prior, and all the emotions it had brimming.

A soft ache consumed the omega’s stomach, alongside the sharp stab of frustration, and he lowered his gaze. Held his tongue. Because Jongin knew these tender affections Kyungsoo carried for his girlfriend weren’t reciprocated to their full extent. Jongin knew Joohyun, had met Joohyun before he’d introduced her to Kyungsoo - and he saw the way her eyes lit with carnal lust the moment she saw the short alpha. And he still sees the way those same eyes wander to other men even in Kyungsoo’s presence. He saw how she had no hesitation in letting go of his hand while they walked in the park, or through a crowded nightclub, or a party - and how she’d never moved to hold his hand to begin with.

Kyungsoo, tenderhearted Kyungsoo, was so in love with Joohyun. And Jongin knew, he _knew_ , that Joohyun was not in love with Kyungsoo. Not entirely, wholehearted, like the alpha was with her.

It was all rather ironic really. Terribly, tragically ironic. Because Jongin was in love with Kyungsoo. Entirely, wholeheartedly—and while the alpha sat with him on that dark, quiet night, under the careful gaze of the stars above, Kyungsoo was only thinking of Joohyun. While Jongin gazed at Kyungsoo with hidden secrets and that _ache_ , Kyungsoo worried about how he’d cover up the fresh hickies on his neck before he went into work tomorrow.

“It’s fine,” Jongin said, even though it wasn’t. He shoved his sketchbook into the front pocket of his hoodie, followed by the case of pencils. His cigarette was nearly down to the filter, and he took one last drag of it before tossing it to the ground and smothering it out under his shoe.

Life was a practical joker, it seemed. Of all people it could’ve chosen for Jongin to imprint on — it just had to be Kyungsoo. Because love is never free of pain. _Jongin_ is never free of pain. Life had made some really bad jokes throughout his lifetime; this was just another shovel digging his grave. Or—a cherry on top, someone less macabre might say.

He didn’t want to go inside and risk seeing Joohyun. He didn’t want to return to his room where he could hear everything happening on the other side of the wall. Not to mention, the _stench_ that was most definitely still permeating the apartment.

But he also didn’t exactly want to stay outside with- _quite_ _literally_ the love of his life, fawning over his love of somebody else.

 _I wanna imprint like I want a fucking hole in the head_.

Jongin’s own voice ran through his head, and he scoffed under his breath before drawing a tired sigh. He just wanted to go to sleep.

Kyungsoo’s hand reached across the tabletop and carefully found his own. His warm palm rested over the back of Jongin’s cold one, lightly squeezing and rubbing over his fingers. The omega’s eyes rose up to meet the other’s gaze, surprised to find the deep worry settled there - a total contrast to before.

He noticed the alpha’s slightly flared nostrils, and belatedly realized his muddled emotions were reflecting in his scent - and he tried not to get too in his head about the fact Kyungsoo _noticed_. Tried not to let any thought of hope or affection bloom anywhere near his heart. Regardless, there was a flutter in his stomach, no matter how faint and bittersweet.

Because of course Kyungsoo would worry for him, they’re _friends._

“I really am sorry, Jongin,” Kyungsoo spoke softly but clear, keeping his voice low as if to not disrupt the settled night around them. His gaze was steady and sincere, and Jongin almost flustered under it. He couldn’t hold that gaze, instead looked down at their hands, at the way they naturally interlocked when he turned his hand over. His fingers curled loosely around the alpha’s, squeezing for only a moment.

“It won’t happen again, I promise. I didn’t realize it… I didn’t realize it would upset you.” Kyungsoo offered an apologetic smile, tilting his head slightly in an attempt to coax the omega’s lowered eyes back to his own. Jongin glanced at him only briefly, lips pulled sideways in something of a smile. “Okay?”

The alpha jostled their held hands gently, giving his fingers another squeeze. _“Okay_?”

Jongin barely smiled, nodding his head - but didn’t really look up from the table. “Okay.”

Kyungsoo took another puff from his cigarette as he moved to stand. His opposite hand stayed clasped with Jongin’s, and it was only when he was lightly tugged along that Jongin realized the alpha had no intention of letting go. He stood, following. His smile was private and hidden, but present as Kyungsoo walked ahead of him towards their apartment building.

Until Kyungsoo turned on him with furrowed brows and a curious smile, giving him a strong tug that made Jongin stumble forward a couple steps to walk at his side rather than behind him.

“Your hands are freezing.” Kyungsoo commented, and brought their hands up to his mouth. He blew a cloud of warm, moist air over Jongin’s numb fingers, rubbing over them with his own warm ones.

“Well maybe if I hadn’t been _forced_ out of my _own_ _home…_ ” Jongin feigned an exaggerated pout, and Kyungsoo laughed out loud.

“ _Oh_ for fuck’s sake—I said I was sorry!”

“Tell that to my frozen snot.” Jongin continued on, but he was smiling, and Kyungsoo kept laughing.

The door of their apartment building opened just as they approached the curb, and Kyungsoo noticed Joohyun walking out before Jongin did.

She was full dressed, with her bag and keys in hand. Jongin thought she was spending...

“Joohyun,” The alpha said, looking her up and down with wide eyes. His hand fell away from Jongin’s, and he left him suddenly twice as cold. He bundled his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie, crossing his arms as he stood at the curb. Kyungsoo stepped up onto the sidewalk, reaching for the door and belatedly holding it open for her, “You’re leaving?”

She looked startled to see Kyungsoo, as if she were trying to sneak away unnoticed. She blinked innocently, pulling an apologetic smile. “Ah, yeah—I have to open tomorrow.”

“But I thought you were off?” Kyungsoo didn’t pout, but he came as close as could to pouting without actually doing it. A soft, mundane tone, slightly off-put.

“I was, but Seulgi called in and they don’t have anyone else to cover for her, so...” Joohyun trailed off with a shrug.

Kyungsoo sighed in evident disappointment, taking her hand in his own as he leaned in for a kiss. Jongin averted his eyes, stifling a sigh of his own as the couple indulged in each other. His expression was sour, and the twist in his stomach was uncomfortably familiar.

It’d been five months, _five months_ , and the same awful, consuming, _gut-wrenching_ feeling still washed over the omega every time he witnessed such affections. It wasn’t just jealousy or anger, it was something much deeper. An intricate emotion of sadness, and hurt, and something ridiculously close to betrayal. The voice in the back of his head mused something about his heart aching. _Physically_ , aching.

The sight of his desired mate, his heart’s chosen _person_ , in the arms of somebody else, of a woman - a delicate, beautiful woman—the entire opposite of Jongin—was hard for the omega to take. It _ached_ with a sadness so profound Jongin struggled to even put it into words.

He just looked at the ground, and tried to distract himself from said _ache._ He overheard Kyungsoo’s soft mumbles of how he didn’t want Joohyun to leave, wanted her to stay, and he shoved his headphones back into his ears. He slipped by them unobtrusively, walking into the building and straight to the stairway.

Their apartment was only on the second floor, so he reached the front door in little time. He didn’t even think to grab his keys on the way out, but thankfully the door was left unlocked.

Kyungsoo had an impulsive habit of locking the door every time he left, even accidentally locking himself out on occasion when he was just running to grab something, but Joohyun was like Jongin with his habit of forgetting to lock anything. Even the door to his own home.

He slowly kicked his shoes off at the door before going to his room. His stomach faintly turned at the faint scent still present, but he sighed and willed himself to ignore it as he opened a drawer of his desk. He stowed away his sketchbook and pencils, then took the small box of incense tucked off to the side. He lit it with the lighter from his hoodie pocket, and placed it in the ash case to burn.

He then lit the large candle on his bedside table, unplugging his headphones and stuffing them in his hoodie. There was a small Bluetooth speaker on his nightstand, and his phone connected to it moments after turning it on.

A gentle guitar riff broke the stiff silence, filling the room softly, quietly. The candlelit ambience and tender melody pulled at his heartstrings, and Jongin knew what he was doing. Knew that the playlist he turned on were only songs that aided that _ache_ in his chest. But maybe Jongin was masochistic and foolish in the way he let himself hurt sometimes.

It was easy to hurt, to surround himself in the painful love that ate him from the inside out. Call him selfish, or dramatic—but it was how Jongin mended the open wound ripped across his heart.

Tear it open to bleed, let it _breathe_ , and then sew it closed again.

He needed his pain to breathe, to release itself from the cage of his muddled subconscious. Only then would his mind let him sleep.

_My soul I, am broken... by you_

_One morning, I'll wake up... renewed_

Jongin sank into his bed, closing his eyes and drawing a deep breath. The song surrounded him like a stream of warm water over an open wound, letting the blood flow and spread like the winding roots of a flower.

He raised his left hand up above himself, opening his eyes to gaze at the small, simplistic sunflower inked under the first knuckle of his middle finger. Kyungsoo wore an identical tattoo on his right finger; a symbol of their bond. Of… _them._ You and I, you and me, _us._

It was a mark of friendship in Kyungsoo’s eyes, something… a little different in Jongin’s.

_Don't go, love_

_I need you... to stay_

Jongin’s lips faintly trembled, and his gaze filled with a wobbling blur of tears. He brushed his hand over his face, rubbed his eyes to keep any tears from falling. He huffed, and despite his efforts, a silent sob filled his chest. He didn’t let it go, sucked in another deep breath instead.

_My soul I, am broken... today_

He heard the click of the front door closing, and glanced toward his door as Kyungsoo’s scent entered the apartment. He watched a shadow creep past his door and into the one just beside it.

The alpha’s scent was heavy in Jongin’s nose, muting the mixed smell of incense and candle wax. It blanketed him, fully, as Kyungsoo closed his bedroom door and readied himself to lay down.

The scent grew in intensity as he settled into his bed just on the opposite side of Jongin’s wall, where Jongin’s own bed was. He looked over at the blank wall, imagining Kyungsoo just on the other side, and softly edged closer to it.

_And I will work out what it meant..._

_And I will mend you in the end_

His outstretched palm pressed against the cold wallpaper first, then his forehead as he settled right against it. He drew a deep breath, tasted solely Kyungsoo, and held it.

_'Cause I'll do anything to love you… love you..._

_I'll do anything to love you… love you…_

His eyes slowly opened as he exhaled, staring at the blurred ridges of the wall’s old paper.

Kyungsoo was so close, but to the omega it felt like he was in another galaxy. Far away, and out of reach.

**Author's Note:**

> 🎶 Musical Inspiration 🎶
> 
> • Turning Page - Sydney Rose  
> • Cursive - Billie Marten  
> • Somebody Else - The 1975  
> • I Couldn’t Be More In Love - The 1975  
> • When the Party’s Over - Billie Eilish  
> • I Love You - Billie Eilish  
> • Gravity - Sara Bareilles  
> • Pearly-Dewdrops’ Drops - Cocteau Twins  
> • Tommy’s Party - Peach Pit  
> • Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala  
> • I’ll Still Have Me - Cyn  
> • Heather - Conan Gray  
> • Pacify Her - Melanie Martinez  
> • Crimson And Clover - Joan Jett  
> • Strawberries & Cigarettes - Troye Sivan  
> • Bound To You - Jocelyn Alice  
> • My Soul I - Anna Leone  
> • The Night We Met - Lord Huron
> 
> [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3A0CKq6TALkZHrMUhSEsPx?si=efrpZkDxTV-Sbn6MSyIKwg)
> 
> @kaileidohscope & @honeygoms on twitter


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